About This

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Overthinking is just thinking

I have been told that I overthink things. I used to defend myself, but now I realize it is just a statement people make by using a comparison to their own baseline level of thinking, and the assumption that their level of thinking is the norm.

Thinking is my hobby. I think about issues and solutions and I come up with plans and set them in motion. I try and test new ideas and notions. I fiddle and tinker and make. Sometimes all in my head, sometimes with my hands. I am a creator and I explore all the tools I have in my arsenal.

I'm a daydreamer. I am a writer. I journal my way in and out of the puzzles and mazes in my brain. I notice the world around me and I see patterns where others see chaos, and chaos where others see rules and guidelines.

For many of us, our dream realm is our escape. It is my "maladaptive daydreaming" diagnosis just waiting to be made. I have felt bad about existing in a world where I have an inner realm that is richer than the one outside, as if I had to limit my existence to what others could sense and perceive to be accepted within their fold. And for many years, I tried. I accepted my reality and worked within the constraints of what my situation was, until the constraints got tighter and tighter around me and I found myself floundering, gasping to exist.

I need to dream and create more than I need to eat or sleep. I need my soul to be happy more than I need my body to be happy. And I tried to choose one or the other and now, now I am dreaming beyond that dichotomy, that Boolean choice of EITHER / OR. I want AND in my life. To exist within and without in harmony. And I want to put it out there, just in case someone else is also googling this stuff up. May the algorithms be ever in our favor.

Love of Leisure

It is a luxury to have a brain that thinks along with a body that feels. That I can work through these slippery thoughts and concepts all on my own. It is a luxury I appreciate because not to long ago I was not even aware that I could still do this. Some call it depression, others The Dark Night of the Soul. I lost the path to my inner self and had to find it once again and now that I have reconnected with my deeper self, I can sit with the feeling and experience of all I've been through and all my lessons learned and adventures and stories.

I want a life of leisure. I want a life where doing what my body and soul craves is not seen as a liability. Where doing something that doesn't put money on the bank is a non-issue. And I want more than this for me and for everyone else. I want to imagine a world where we can just exist in society. Not as participants in a social machinery that has assumed planned obsolescence into us, where we have " productive years" and those are the only ones that matter. I care DEEPLY about this. So I'm here, online, in this little segment of the internet, staking my claim. May the algorithms lead you here. May the universe guide you on the paths that are for you. May we all come together and create a better world for us. f

What is a rainbow paradise song?

It is a line from Adore You, a Harry Styles song. "Walk in your rainbow paradise..." it begins, and then it's a love song. I think that this rainbow paradise that has inspired such a song must be a lovely place to be. So I started thinking about what MY rainbow paradise would be. What sort of universe could I think for myself that would have this powerful draw?

I started coming up with ideas. And places. And ways of being. Now, I want to put them out into the world, so that these words and these ideas can also exist out in the ether for someone else to read and enjoy. For the algorithms to learn. For a trace of myself to be left and a map of what I dream of what could be. It is a paradise with equality and the full spectrum of colors, feelings and emotions. A world where we can exist wholly as our selves, accepting the light and dark and all the colors in between. The shifts of hues and values in our life. The heights and troughs.

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The Music of the Spheres and the Sound of Life

Pythagoras believed that all the planets had a sound and together, like chords and musical notes which exist in relation to each other, that they would sound symphonical if we could only hear them. It is my belief that our life is a song and it is a dance. It is a set of steps and moves and motions that we can't transcribe into notation, we can only live and align with it. That when we are aligned with our own song and dance, we exist in joy. That this art of life is accessible to us regardless of our situation, because like any great product, it is scalable and mutable. Whether our life exists in the confines of a crib as a baby, we can have joy. Whether we live in a small town all our lives or we travel the globe, we can access this happiness and satisfaction. It is my belief that a person can build a life that is a work of art. That the way our actions match our words and beliefs is how the best harmony is made. When our inner depths are in counterpoint to the external existence of us, there can also be beauty in that challenge as well. We are complex and nuanced and our songs will be to.

I am a casual music fan. I like what I like and I am not familiar with theory, but I like to dabble and listen to people who do. I like dancing and watching people dance, and I want to bring some of that into my own life in a casual, relaxed and healthy way. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the challenges in it: after all, I did learn how to play the violin (badly) and I can play some basic piano tunes and I have taken enough dance lessons in my life to realize that I don't enjoy following set moves.

I once watched this video about Videotape, Radiohead song that was confusing because the piano is played on the pause between beats and although it may seem to non-initiates like a normal song, playing it goes against what many musicians intuit as the "right" way to play music. I had never heard of it, but I could see the struggle in the video as the musician was doing this hard thing, just because he can and it's new. I want to do that with life. Find the counterpoints and the back beats and the syncopation to life. I have been told that I dance to the beat of my own drum... now I want to control the drumbeats. Not because I enjoy making life harder for myself, but because I realize that perhaps my life has felt stranger because I've been clapping at the wrong point in the beat.

So lets make something new. Because we can.